The brew for tough times

I picked up this old Finnish brew recipe that seems perfect for those tough times. It was in a book I received from some Finnish mates for my birthday. Some other Finnish mates gave me some sassy ideas they believe make it more cocktail worthy.

Kilju (translates into an order to Scream)

2.5 Kilos of Sugar
4.5 litres of warm water
Half a cube of yeast
Add some raisins or a few tea bags for taste (go both if youre adventurous)

Put it all in a plastic container and mix well. Store in a warm place for 11-14 days but dont forget that it will smell for a bit so vent often. Most of all enjoy.

AB

Nakedness

Im currently at a semi-remote research station helping students learn about GPS and GIS. The area is a Scandinavian lake and forest wonderland, meaning there is a lot of exploring to do. For example, last arvo I went looking for bears, wolves, lynxes and wolverines but ended up sidetracked by the red sunset over a half frozen glassy lake that was rudely interrupted by endless forests. However, once the sun sets in this region it gets too cold to stay out. So, like a werewolf at dawn, I awake from the vagueness of a good life and slowly trod back to the science based civilization of Konnevesi Research Station.

Finns arent the most expressive culture in the world so the evenings can be boring. However, the often mute male population does perform an entertaining Cro-Magnon like grunt but there is a catch, it can only heard from within a sauna.

So I ask all the blokes; how often do you see your friends naked? -Never- is the answer I expect to hear. I must ask another question; how do you respond when you do see your mate in his un-ironed, heavily stained baby suit. I’m guessing you tell him to put some clothes on because he is ugly as all hell. Not so in Finland!

The other night was the first time I took it all off in the name of sauna. Taking off my clothes was like peeling off my skin but the pain didnt end there. I had just made a few new friends and the thought of seeing them naked, and them seeing me naked, was far from that lovely feeling of sitting down in front of an open fire after a hardy afternoon of exploring the forests.

However, I now have the right to look down upon the immature and lesser cultures that are nudophobic. Only now can I argue that being naked is natural etc. But I wont because the battle inside my chasm of experience, where Left-Wing-Pinko Andrew and Conservative Andrew fight for supremacy, is still on. Being naked in front of friends or strangers is uncomfortable but in reality, no body is looking.

Crabba

No More '

It seems like this weblog doesn’t like the scnado apostrophe. So from now on doesn’t becomes doesnt ect.

Crabba

My Bike

The snow has almost melted and it’s time to ride!!! So I went to Maija’s parents’ house and asked if they had any spare bikes and, behold, they did. I have picked up a blue, 1970s, three-speed, old-school pimp-mobile that will be used to fang around Jyväskylä and generally impress. It was Maija’s grandpa’s old bike, handed down to Maija’s Dad and now to me, but there is no way the previous owners liked this bike more than I do.

This bike really looks the part. The extra large frame is a clean, dark blue, mixed with raw chrome parts; the rims, also shiny chrome, have blue stripes running the circumference; the big white seat is made for comfort and includes three huge spongy springs that absorb all bumps on the road. The handle bars are curved back for upright stylings meaning to make it look like you’re going faster you need to put your head down and elbows up. Nice!!!

To make this new acquisition even better, I get to store it in a bomb shelter!!! Yep, no pissy little bike rack for me, I use six slabs of extra strength Soviet proof concrete and an super thick slab of steel to keep the bike mine.

See you on the street.

Crabba

Email

I'm sending some of those mass emails to a few mates while I'm in Finland. So in the name of sit-com recycling, here she blows!

Hello

Well, it’s about time for another email. A month has passed since the last one and stuff has gone down.

Latvia
Maija and I went to Latvia for a few days; here are the highlights (not always so high). We stayed in a hostel in Riga and on the first night a drunken booze-hound kept us awake with his snoring so we didn’t sleep well. To make it worse he stunk of vomit because he decided to throw up in his bed and continue to sleep in it. He at least made an effort to save his dignity and switched ends of the bed so his feet were in the spew instead of his face. As you can guess the room smelt rather bad afterwards.

Riga is a beautiful place. Although years of Polish, German and Soviet debauchery made it a little run-down, the EU and the people of Latvia are making it nice once again. Latvians are masters of internal decoration and I was impressed with almost every pub, café, bar, restaurant we went into.

We also went to a small village called Sigulda, world famous in Latvia for being the Switzerland of the Baltics. We took the train to Sigulda from a very the Soviet styled Riga Central train station. On the journey the train seemed to stop at train stations that had no human settlements nearby. The train driver announced the station, the train stopped and the ticket lady pretended that people might get on or off the train. On either side there was nothing but forest as far as the eye could see, no roads, paths, houses, phone lines etc etc. The Soviets were a strange mob.

Sigulda was a nice place but we got stuck on the remote side of a cable-car between two hills. On this hill we saw two people and a cat among the fog and -10’c air. The hill had a few buildings that might be occupied in summer, in winter they were just down-right boring. We were stuck because the lady who drove the cable car didn’t wait for us and went back to her post on the populated side of the valley before we arrived for our return journey. We were afraid she would forget about us, or worse still, fall asleep at her post; it was a possibility, we found her like that in the first place.

We went to a sad museum called the Museum of Occupation. Being a small country, with a distinct culture and being located in-between Russia and Germany in the 1900s is not a good idea. Latvia has been treated like shit by both of these countries and even the Polish had a go at them. Latvia has only had 20 years of peace or sovereignty in the last 100 years, that’s eighty years of being treated like crap! The museum lead us through this history and while it was great knowledge it was a sad experience.

Snow
Nature’s lockdown is weakening. The ‘heat’ is here and everything is coming to life again. The snow has started melting and it’s is a little sad. When will I see snow again, when can I go sliding or snowboarding again. Ahh well, at least I don’t have to carry gloves, beanie, scarf, jacket and wear thermals anymore. It's also nice to see what I have been walking on for the past three months. My subconscious belief that all Finnish roads, footpaths and opens space was magically white has been replaced buy regular asphalt, paving and grass. Removing the layers of ice and snow also makes it possible to re-explore the same track I walk each day. Suddenly walls exist, Finns do have speed bumps and I have been walking past an amphitheatre each day and I never knew!

Revenge of the Dog Turds
Finns love dogs and walk them as often as they can, even in winter. As a result there are a lot of dog turds around the place. However, in winter the turds quickly become hidden under a layer of snow and ice but they aren’t sleeping, they’re planning.

The snow is now melting and the onslaught of the turds is here. In the winter they have been planning their method of attack and the time is now. Their tactic is to sit in the sun and use their dark properties to melt the surrounding snow making them robust compared to the surrounding environment. They have carefully placed themselves out of harms way but not too far. They sit on the edges of puddles and wait for people to walk around the water avoiding wet feet. Wet shoes are replaced by that soft feeling you get. Basturds!

See you later

AB

Costume Induced Rage

I’m writing this blog so I can improve my English but I never thought it would be this challenging. My Finnish mates Pekka and Petri sent me the following links and I’m shocked. How can you put the emotions you feel after seeing such costumes into words? I now better understand that impulse you get to beat the crap out of people in bear suits, maybe they like these websites.

Not too bad - http://www.islandentertainmentsonline.com/acatalog/animalmascots.html
Nothing to say - http://www.akrondesign.com/Mascots/marylens/mascots/potpourri4.html/potpourri4.html

Crabba